“It’s you and me against the world, babe, always.”
I miss not having a team mate and partner. I miss not having my back to the wall. I miss feeling like the world could throw anything at me and I was protected from all sides. I’m tired of being my own badass.
I miss having someone see me – truly see me. I miss having someone wrap me in their arms, even for a few minutes, and tell me that I was doing amazing but that I could let myself just be for a few minutes. I miss feeling safe enough to drop my guards.
It’s a weird thing that I don’t know if anyone truly understands and maybe I don’t fully grasp it either. I’m at that point. I can say it fully. I miss having someone in the empty spaces of my life. I miss sitting down on the couch after a long day, wrapping my arms around a special someone, and forgetting that anything else exists for a while. Being as strong as I have to be and as solid as I have to be constantly is exhausting and I long for someone to “get it” long enough for me to just…exist?…without the feeling of being under constant threat. I’m not a damsel in distress, not by a long shot, but I long to be vulnerable with someone again.
Does that make sense at all? Does it fall in line with where I want to be in my life? I think so. I don’t want to be alone anymore, it really is that simple.
Every now and again I think I can hear Alex in the back of my head..loudly sighing and clapping his hands before exclaiming a loud “Fuckin’ finally!”.
We’ll see what the future holds. For now, it is time to continue pressing on.
