Accepting your level of importance in the lives of others around you is a hard pill for most of us to swallow. It’s one of those things we literally have zero control over in regards to the people we care about: We don’t get to decide for them what our worth to them is. We can talk and be there, we can wonder what’s wrong with the situation, we can wonder what’s wrong with us, we can try to change ourselves, we can try to change ourselves back, we can do all sorts of incredibly humiliating and unnecessary things before finally accepting that you can’t beat your worth into the consciousness of others.
I’m always pleasantly surprised when someone shows that they consider me to be important but I always, always remind myself that it is generally fleeting and I will fade into the background at some point. It’s a defense mechanism, yes, and I fully admit to that. But it is more than that, too: I have zero desire to change other people. I have zero need to be at anything but a small level in the aforementioned background for the people around me. I like sharing moments with the people I love and care about – don’t get me wrong here – but the desire to be present is always trumped by wanting the people I care about to be happy. Always. 100% always.
So…I accept that I’ll likely never be as important to others as they are to me. It’s not a bad thing. It’s not a hard pill to swallow anymore. It just is what it is. My rules for myself don’t extend to those around me. I accept 100% when it makes someone happier for me to not be part of their life and I understand that it will likely happen more often in my life than I realize even now that it will. And that’s okay.
