Kids really are amazingly inquisitive beings.
I was driving back home with my niece and nephew on Saturday morning when my nephew decides to hit me with a round of 20 questions (more like 50 questions, but I digress) about life, love, and going through pain.
“Aunt Sara? What was the nicest thing Uncle Alex ever said to you?” “Why did he die?” “Why weren’t you there?” “Did it hurt?” “Do you think Uncle Alex would want you to date another guy? I think you should.” “Did he love you?” “Did he love us?” “Does it still hurt you? No, I don’t mean your body. Does it hurt your heart still?” “Do you think you’ll ever have kids so we can have cousins?” “I’ll remember you forever when you die, Aunt Sara.”
I wanted to cry so bad…..then he hits me with this:
“Aunt Sara? I’m never going to date or get married or have kids. That way I don’t have to ever go through what you did”.
Oh, my sweet little boy….
I sat there looking out the windshield wondering what I should tell him and his sister, who by now was staring at me just like her brother. What words of wisdom could I pass them that they might remember someday about this? He’s 9, she’s almost 11. What would I have remembered from that age?
“Listen to me, baby: You can’t go through your life without the happy things because you’re scared of the bad things. The bad things will always come….but I would rather be hurting as bad as I have than to ever give up the things that completed me and made me smile. If they gave me a time machine and told me to go back and choose the people in my life again, knowing I’d lose them? I’d choose every single one again. Remember that.”
“Even Uncle Alex?” my niece inquired, somewhat shyly and quietly.
“In a heartbeat” I responded, without a minute’s hesitation.
And even though I knew neither of them was yet old enough to fully get it, I played them The Dance by Garth Brooks to drive the point home.
“And I’m glad I didn’t know the way it all would end, the way it all would go. Our lives are better left to chance. I could have missed the pain – but I’d have had to have missed the Dance”.
