The urge to disappear is getting stronger. Not disappear permanently or anything, but the urge to pull back and remove is super intense right now.
I know I need to be reaching out and I’m not doing it. That’s on me. I feel like every time I go to make a tearful phone call or send a message that I’m bothering people and I don’t want to do that, either.
This is insanely difficult.
I’m reminding myself to breathe. I’m talking to people even though I don’t want to/it makes me feel bad when I can push myself to do so. I don’t know what else to do except keep pushing and keep fighting.
I know it will let up soon. It always does. But this feels especially deep and painful right now and I am at a legit loss of what to do about it.
*sighs* Year 2 is definitely, definitely, definitely harder than year 1. I can straight up tell you that.
