I keep myself guarded but I can't breathe if I'm smothering myself and I can't keep fighting if there isn't something to fight for.
The Side Dish
Surely that means a million terrible things that I can't even conjure up in my own brain..I just know it makes me feel terrible and like a throw away. But maybe I am and just don't know it? Time will tell - perhaps. But perhaps not, too.
And Then It Starts To Hurt
Maybe tomorrow will be better. I always hope for that. I know myself, though, and the greatest moments of joy and triumph for me are still marred by the fact that it's hollow. I don't know how to give things meaning for myself, and maybe that's the biggest fail of all.
Capturing Widowhood (Yes, what you’re feeling is normal).
If this resonates with you, I'm sorry - but I hope you're still hanging on.
Healing the Cracks
Healing begins when you recognize that you can, and while the darkness is still ever present for me, and the cracks are still showing a little bit of everywhere - the light is starting to come back through.
The Rain Wrapped Tornado
I’d like to think that he’s somewhere, a stone’s throw or thought away, knowing that I put one foot in front of the other because a love as strong as ours doesn’t just end – it transcends.
To the Future…
The idea that there is a version of me somewhere - in some part of space and time - that looks back with the wisdom of age and sees the courage it took to claw out of the fire and ashes that followed gives me something to strive for. I just hope it was enough.
Doing It Alone
I've never put too much importance in myself. I know that. And truth be told, that is what I struggle with the most still.
It’s been too long…
Now the wall isn't just between our kitchen and living room. The wall that separates us now is between the world of the living and the world of the dead. I thought hours was too long to be apart from you before...imagine my shock at realizing I'm going to likely be here for the next 40-50 years without you, baring some weird unforeseen circumstance. That's a hell of a long time to not be able to look at someone and talk to someone and to randomly pick a direction and just drive that way without a care in the world with someone.
How to Make a Sara
And I suppose that's just where you start....I'm a Wife/Widow, Daughter, Sister, Aunt, Niece, Cousin, and Friend before I am anything else and I wouldn't change me for the world.