It's a hard realization to have...that I've basically spent my life protecting myself from feeling the love and comfort or need of others because I'm too scared of getting used to it and wanting those things before they inevitably are gone. It's why I have a hard time being affectionate unless given permission to be fully affectionate. It's why it seems like my desire to have others in my life is an afterthought. It's why I'm always pleasantly surprised and drawn in when I'm basically told what I mean to someone because my brain is constantly telling me that I'm invisible and that that's the best way to be.